


Tell Me You Love Me, Even If It’s a Lie

by mixtapemily



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jeno is really just a confused boy, M/M, This wasn’t supposed to be this angsty, but also a jerk so don’t really feel bad for him, chenle and jisung are really just mentioned, mark lee is ready to fight jeno, renjun’s heart is broken and now my heart is broken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-28 22:25:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17191424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mixtapemily/pseuds/mixtapemily
Summary: Renjun thinks Jeno doesn’t love him anymore.





	Tell Me You Love Me, Even If It’s a Lie

Renjun tried to keep his breathing even as he sat at the small kitchen table along with all the other dream members. He would rather be laying in bed, but here is having someone's elbow poke him, or shoulder bump into him, every few seconds and it just felt like too much. Renjun had never felt so hypersensitive to everything happening around him as he had in that moment in time, and he just wanted it to stop. He knew it was due to all of worry piling up, but he didn't think it had gotten this bad. He didn't think things had been going on for this long.

As Renjun lifted his eyes from the plate of soggy eggs he was met with a sight that had become oh too familiar in the past few months. There Jeno sat across from him with his shoulders just that little bit closer to Jaemin's than Chenle's as the two were lost in their own little world. The two boys kept giggling over something that was shared only between them, and it was slowly driving Renjun insane. When was the last time Jeno had sat beside him at breakfast? When was the last time Jeno whispered to him like that?

It was when Renjun watched Jeno feed Jaemin a bite of eggs off of his plate that he decided he needed to excuse himself from the table. It was the look in Jeno's eyes as he looked at Jaemin that was too much. When was the last time Jeno looked at him with that much love?

Renjun didn't miss the looks of concern that came from Mark and Donghyuck as he quickly rushed away from the table, but his main concern right now was getting to a different room before the tears began to shed.

He quickly closed and locked the door to his and Jeno's shared room before he made his way into the younger boy's bed. Renjun used to always sleep in Jeno's bed, but he can't even remember the last time the boy slept in his room. Lately the only company Renjun has had is when Jisung will climb into his bed late at night saying, 'Chenle snores too loud, how do any of you expect me to sleep in there?'

He pulled the dark blue comforter around his body and let the tears finally fall as the smell of Jeno encased him. Renjun didn't sob, or scream, he didn't let the emotions he had been holding in rip from his throat. No, Renjun just cried. Steady and silent streams of tears slid down his face as a slightly irregular breathing pattern fell from his lips.

Renjun doesn't know how long he laid there, soaking Jeno's sheets with his tears and snot, but it was a buzzing of his phone that broke him from his dazed state.

"Hello," Renjun spoke into the receiver trying to conceal that fact that he was crying.

"Hi, Junie! I just wanted to let you know that Jaemin and I went to the studio. You didn't look so good at breakfast, and I was a little worried you were getting sick. That's why I decided to call, we don't need anybody else getting sick during preparations for comeback! See you later, bye."

"By-" halfway through the word Renjun heard the dial tone and he never knew one sound could make your heart feel so heavy.

Of course he went with Jaemin. Of course he wouldn't tell me him person. Of course he would make such a lame excuse. Of course he wouldn't say he loved Renjun.

And that was all it took. The chest heaving sobs that Renjun was so proud of himself for holding back earlier forced their way through his throat. Everything felt like too much. The heat from the comforter, the smell of Jeno, the sound of Jeno's voice playing over and over in his head and never saying the words he needs to hear.

Renjun fumbled to get himself out of the tangled mess he had created on Jeno's bed only for him to end up tumbling out and hitting the ground with a loud thud. The sting from the fall and the sting in his heart felt like too much and he just wanted the pain to go away. He just wanted to feel loved.

"Renjun, are you okay? I thought I heard something fall," He heard Mark call through the door. What a stupid question, Mark. What a stupid question. "Injun, can you open the door for me, please." Renjun could barely hear Mark jingle the door knob over the sound of his sobs and knew he should probably open the door before the elder began to actually worry, but he couldn't find the strength to get up from the wood floor. The floor felt cool against his now warm skin.

"Renjun, please. Jeno has the key and he won't answer any of our calls," Donghyuck tried.

Of course he wouldn't answer. Renjun could've told them that he wouldn't have answered. Whether it be because he was busy actually doing work or doing god knows what with Jaemin, it seemed like Jeno didn't really have the time for any of them lately.

"I think I can pick it." Renjun couldn't tell who it was, but he hoped they were right. He felt like he was falling apart and the only way to stop it was for someone to physically hold him together.

"Oh, junie. What did you hurt?" Mark whispered as he carefully pulled the boy up and sat him down onto his bed.

"My heart," Renjun sobbed out as he buried himself further into Mark's hold.

"It's going to be okay. I'm pretty sure Donghyuck can find someone to hide a body, and then that mean man can never hurt you again," Mark said hoping to get somewhat of a laugh from Renjun, but met with only heavier cries in return.

"Oh, Renjunie, what did he do you," Mark mumbled as he pulled the boy impossibly closer as a way to console him. He turned his head to look at Donghyuck to see a look of sadness that most likely mirrored his own. Him and Donghyuck have been painfully aware of the way Jeno had been treating Renjun. Neither of the boys could figure out what caused the change, but he guesses neither of them noticed how badly it was effecting Renjun, either.

"Why won't he say he loves me anymore? I just want him to say he loves me." 

"He loves you, I know he loves you, Renjun," Mark said, but he didn't even believe the words himself as they fell from his mouth.

"Mark, I want to go home."

"I know, I think we all do. It's okay to feel that way."

"No, I want to go home and never come back." Tears started fall down Mark's own face as he heard a gasp escape from Donghyuck's mouth.

"You don't really mean that, do you, Renjun?" The boy in Mark's arms pulled himself away from his grips as he turned to face the culprit of the question.

"Sorry, I didn't answer your guys calls. Jaemin and I were trying to work out this one part of the choreo-"

"Bullshit." Everyone in the rooms eyes widened as they turned to look at Renjun. They rarely heard the boy say such words, let alone to Jeno.

"What do you mean?" Jeno questioned as his eyebrows furrowed together. 

"If you can't at least do me the favor of lying to me and telling me you love me, then you don't get to lie about whatever it is you were off doing with Jaemin," Renjun seethed as he stood up from the bed and came face to face with Jeno.

"Lie and— why would you say I don't love you?" Jeno whispered as his eyes filled with hurt.

"Why don't you tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, Jeno. Did you think I wouldn't notice the lack of time you spend with me? Did you think I wouldn't notice you blatantly flirting with Jaemin? Did you think I wouldn't notice that you stopped saying I love you? Which one is it, Jeno, because I don't know," Renjun spoke with each of his words becoming increasingly colder, visibly hurting Jeno with how harsh they were.

"I wasn't flirting with Jaemin-"

"Yes you were," Mark said bluntly. "Donghyuck and I have both seen it. I really don't really think it helps your argument when you've been getting more cozy with Jaemin at the kitchen table then you have with your boyfriend in months, Jeno." Marks words were cold and unforgiving.

"You don't understand, Jaemin needed me-"

"I needed you, Jeno. I need you, Jeno, but you are always gone when I need you there. When did I become second, or third, or fourth or whatever I am to you now?" Renjun's voice cracked as he watched his boyfriends eyes become glossy.

"I love you, Renjun. I love you so much, please, believe me," Jeno began to beg as he grabbed onto Renjun's hands. "I'll fix it. I'll ask you before I hang out with Jaemin, or you can just come with us, or I can tell him that he needs to hang out with Mark or someone else. Please, Renjun."

"The problem isn't Jaemin, Jeno. The problem is you. The problem isn't that Jaemin wanted to hang out. The problem is how you acted with Jaemin. You blatantly flirt with Jaemin when I'm right in front of you and you really think that's going to change?" Renjun said calmly as he plucked his hands from Jeno's. "Because, in all honesty, I don't."

"Why aren't you listening to me?" Jeno frustratedly spouts as he begins to pull at the roots of his hair.

"I am listening, Jeno. I'm just tired. I'm tired of you wanting me to still be your boyfriend but not treating me like one. I tired of being treated like some used tissue that has served its purpose and has been thrown in the trash. I'm tired of you getting to move on and me being stuck because of some label that obviously means nothing to you. I'm just tired of wishing for you to say I love you, even if it's a lie, and still getting nothing," Renjun said as he started to walk out of the room.

"Renjun, come back here we aren't done-"

"Really? Because I think we are, Jeno," Renjun said before turning to Mark. "I just want to go home, Mark," He whispered as a few stray tears ran down his cheeks.

"Yeah, of course, Renjun."

Jeno watched as the boy he loved along with everyone else piled out of the room leaving him all alone. Jeno didn't know when or if Renjun was coming back. Jeno didn't know if Renjun would ever forgive him. And Jeno has no one to blame but himself.

••

"I love you," Jaemin said as he pressed his lips to Jeno's.

"I love you, too," Jeno forced out. Even if it was a lie, at least he would be able to stop himself from losing anyone else.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for your guys support on my other posts !!! I love you guys sm!
> 
> -Emi


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